is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
