I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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