no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
