So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
