If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
