i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
