im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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