goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Welp...herpes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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