You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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