google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
