We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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