I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
