Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
