Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
