the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
