Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
