No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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