it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
