why didn't you poke me back
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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