I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
