There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
