Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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