he thought i was a dude.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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