I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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