miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
