Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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