I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
