I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
