he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
