I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize