my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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