And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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