A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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