I'm so fucking centered right now
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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