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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
