Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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