Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
