Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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