Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
