why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
