ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
