At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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