whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
