your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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