just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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