Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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