i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
