he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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