sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
