My brain says no but my pants say off.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
