how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
