Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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