we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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