I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
