She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
