he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
