woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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