He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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