You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
