I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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