Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
