we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
